Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
A small argument between a couple turns violent.
Angry Husband: Do not let the animal in me come out!
Wife: who is scared of a mouse!
She is the apple of my eye
The reason that I live
She is all that I could wish for
My heart to her I give.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
what is the best punishment for a woman?
give her new clothes
matching her jewelry
and nice cosmetics
and then
lock her in a room without mirror.
What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying…
&
the other ensures U Continue to do so.
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney
Wife: What is so interesting in me?
Husband: I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!
Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
A small argument between a couple turns violent.
Angry Husband: Do not let the animal in me come out!
Wife: who is scared of a mouse!
Brain is very important part of body,
It is active 24 hours
.
.
365 days,
.
.
it starts working, when you born
and work till you
.
.
.
.
Get Married…
A psychological survey Report:
when 2 couples come face to face,
Wives look at each others
dresses
&
Husbands look at each others wives…:-D
wife:honey,what r u looking 4?
husband: nothing
wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?
husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date
No knowledge without college
No life without wife
wife is a knife which cuts your life
So, Never select a wife in your college life…
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem [...]
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
It’s an old saying.
Keep away the tension while sleeping.
.
.
But I don’t know why people
still sleeping with their wives.
Angry Husband sent SMS to father-in-law:
“YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS.”
Smart Father-in-law:
“WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE..”
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can’t move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE….
Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever
LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE
and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS
Man to Barber: Cut my hair Short.
Barber: How short you would like to?
.
.
.
Man: So Short that My Wife Cannot pull them
The Japanese have produced a camera
that has such a fast shutter speed
it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
A recently fired
stock trader said …
“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”
A man said his credit card was stolen
but he decided not to report it
since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
A man meets a genie.
The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants,
But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says,
Okay, give me a million dollars
and beat me till I’m half dead.
Discoveries and Inventions by Men And Women
Men discovered COLORS and invented PAINT,
Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
A man approaches to
a beautiful woman in a Hypermarket:
Miss, please, I lost my wife in the store.
Would you mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?
Woman said Why?
Man: Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman,
my wife appears from somewhere.
what is the true friendship???
Ans- It is when your best friend
runs away with your wife &
You are really worried……
for your friend.
An Economist explains the reason for having 2 wives…
“Monopoly is Always Damaging…!!!
And…
“Competition Improves Service…!
When a wife was asked: What book do you like the most?
She answers: My husband’s cheque book.
Do u know why spelling of women starts with “W” ?
Becoz all Questions in the world starts with W ..
What ?
why ?
who ?
when ?
which ?
where ?
whom ?
women?:-D
Husband and wife on picnic.
there was a donkey eating grass.
Wife said: See your relative eating grass, Say Hi
Husband said: Hello father-in-law.
Who is the guilty?
Wife dreaming at night suddenly shouts.
Quick …! My husband is back.
Man gets up, jumps out the window and Realises.
“dammit i am the husband”.
Always listen to your wife
She gives Sound Advice
99% Sound and 1% Advice.
Long ago, Men who sacrificed their
love, youth, parents, identity,
laughter and their happines
were called SAINTS!
Now they are called HUSBANDS!
Can a woman make you a millionaire?
.
.
.
Yes! If you are a Billionaire..!!
When a man steals your wife
there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her.
One tree can start a forest,
One smile can start a friendship
One touch can show love and care
One person like you can make life worth living!
What is the height of mixed emotion?
Your mother-in-law falls from the
7th floor on your brand new Mecedes
and you don’t know whether to laught or cry..!
Wife to husband:
why are you walking around naked.?
Neighbors can see your things.
Husband: So what..!
Wife: They will think I married you for money.
Love is like a long sweet dream
and marriage is an alarm clock.
So have a sweet dreams till your
alarm wakes you up.
Happy Unmarried Life.
I love you not because of who you are,
But because of who I am when I am with you.
:: Before Marriage ::
Boy: Finally the day come
Girl: Would you leave me?
Boy: No way don’t ever think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes of course
Girl: Is there any other girl in your life?
Boy: No, not at all.
Girl: Do you live with me rest of your life?
Boy: Yes Dear!
Girl: Oh, Dear
:: After Marriage ::
Read it [...]
Behind every Successful man
there is a satisfied woman.
But behind every satisfied woman.
there is an exausted man.
One of the true and nice saying:-
“The most beautiful clothes
that a woman can wear
are the arms of the man
who loves her.
Man asked to his wife:
Where do you want to go for our anniversary?
She said: Some where I have never been!
Man said: How about the kitchen?
Wife going to Spain.
What should I bring for you..?
Husband: A Spanish girl.
Wife leaves quietly.
On her retrun,
Husband asks:
Where is my gift?
Wife: Wait for 9 months.
Things in boys room!
Before Marriage:
Perfumes
Love Letters
Gifts
Friendship Cards
After Marriage:
Pain Killers
Loan Papers
Unpaid Bills
List for Shopping
Happy Unmarried Life
Sardar: My wife is so naughty.
She always kidding with me.
Friend: how..?
Sardar: yesterday I went home.
and I put my hands on her eyes.
She said: Its you the watchman.
Sardar make a call to his home.
Servant picked the phone.
Sardar: Give phone to my wife.
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband.
Sardar: But I am her husband.
Servant: Now what to do..?
Sardar: Kill both of them.
After killing Servant: What to do with dead bodies..?
Sardar: Put them in our swiming pool.
Servant: But there is no swiming pool in [...]
For years men and women have
argued over which is more painful:
Being kicked in the balls
or
Giving birth…?
Put it this way!
After a couple’s first child,
a woman will usually say
Lets have a baby again.
But
We won’t find a single man on this earth,
who will ever say
Ok kick me on the balls again..!
Two deaf men are discussing
their wives using sign language.
1st: What to you do when
your wife start complaining.
2nd: just stop listening
1st: How…?
2nd: I turn off the lights
Degrees of girls….!
B.A = Beautiful Angel
B.E = Beautiful Eyes
B.Sc = Beautiful Structure
L.L.B = Lovely Lifp and Body
M.B.A = Married but Available
Wife working on a computer said:
Suggest a password.
Husband: My Penis.
Wife fell down from the chair laughing.
Because
Computer said:
Rejected “PASWORD TOO SHOT”
A wife hit her husband with a frying pan.
Husband: What was that for..?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket
with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week
and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is [...]
Arguing with girls, wife or ladies is like
wrestling with a Pig in mud.
After sometime you realise that you are getting dirty
& the pig is enjoying !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
Husband to a newly wed wife!
I could go to the end of the world for you
Wife:Thanks,but promise me
you will stay there for the rest of your life.
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?
Sardar:Your honour,
it’s easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.
Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and pease so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!
Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
“what’s on the TV?”
and ….. I said, “dust!
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
My wife and I
were happy for 20 years.
Then we met.
Wife: I am the book of your life.
Husband: Yes exactly you are right.
If you were a calendar of my life,
then once a year I’ll change it.
You know why
the spelling of Women starts with W..?
Because
All questions in the world starts with W..!
Such as.
who
why
what
when
which
whom
where
wife…?
