FREE SMS COLLECTIONS

BRUSH MY TEETH

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth

RING

I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....

DUMB

What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole!

MISTAKES

Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control!

PICTURE

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

MAN

Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!

COCUNUT

What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT'

SHOWTIME

Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!                                                           

SEX MACHINE

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.

SEX ON TEXT

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

CARS

Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...'  Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'

DEPRESSED

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?

BAR STOOL

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.

WE CAN MULTIPLY

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

SNOW WHITE

*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'

GLOW IN THE DARK

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

PENIS & BALLS

Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

SAGGY BOOB

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

BLOW JOB

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

COVER ME

What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...'

TITS DAIRY

I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy.

Suspense how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!

Statistics At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS

Farmer Joneshas farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag

Gary Gliter *Newsflash*
The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach.
The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's

IRA what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth

Dear Mammy love annie There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.

Cock Sucker Detecotor This is a cock sucker detector
Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....
The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...
COCK SUCKER !!

Pink Vagina Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

Red Riding Hood Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!

Fuck for money sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

Ba Ba White Sheep ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie

Leather Heather there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

Little Miss Drugy little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.

Jack and Jill Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER