FUNNY SAYINGS AND PHRASES SMS COLLECTIONS
A legend in his own mind...
He's an expert on padded cells.
He couldnae engineer his way outta paper bag!
As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition
Lights on, door open, nobody at home
As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
He's as bent as a butchers hook
He's as happy as a Pig in $hit
About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box
About as subtle as a flying brick
She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum
She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs
As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm
She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.
About as interesting as watching paint dry
Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard
I've seen better hands on a clock
As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market
He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day
She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits
As nervous as a turkey at Christmas
She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo
She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel
She's as fit as a butchers dog
She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag
As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse
His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender
Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.
As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks
As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner
This guy is all foam, no beer.
As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.
She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head
She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner
About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.
He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery
She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers
She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!
He's tighter than a photo finish.
He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt
He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.
He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.
He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.
Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.
As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat
It's colder than a penguin's bollocks
She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging
As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium
You could park a bike on that bum
He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank
He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure
Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers
About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.
They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump.
You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier
She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard
As rare as a Blonde virgin
I've seen more hair on a billiard ball
He's as camp as a row of tents
I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box
They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up.
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