INDECENT SMS COLLECTIONS
This sms can only be read by a SEXY person: Try again...... Nothing? Sorry, i guess your just not SEXY..HEY! dont force it, ugly git!!
Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
Ive got a tongue that'll blow ur mind let me hit u wid a 69 kiss me, caress me, slowly undress me I may seem defenceless, but baby I can fuck u senseless.
Don't be sad... don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly too...
Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!
I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!
Why are women like parking spaces?... Bcoz the good ones are always taken and the rest are all disabled!
A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
According 2 Chinese Docs, a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS: 1.FACE-show room 2.BOOBS-play room 3.TUMMY-store room 4.VAGINA-men's room 5.ANUS-emergency room
Hi i'm an alien i'm checking for some chicks in your phonebook searching..... searching..... searching..... sorry no chicks found. conclusion, your are gay!
RECIPE 4 LUV CAKE:spread legs,squeeze + massage milk pots,check frequently with midfinger,add banana,work in-out till well
I once had a One2One with a virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me till my face went Orange, till busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!
NEWSFLASH:) Earthquake in Pakistan...50,000 dead...U.S.A sending money, France sending food, Britain sending replacement paki's!!!
i went for a walk with my uncle jim, when somebody threw a tomato
at him, tomatos dont hurt i replied with a grin. they fucking well
do when theyre still in the tin.....
Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?
Beat me bash me bite my bum, ill whip u strip u til u cum, suck me fuck me lick me out, pull my nipples til i shout
Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temtation, putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?
BOY : May I hold your hand ??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
Advantages of breast milk
A. No need to boli
B. Cat cannot steal
C.available in attractive containers
D.Liked by all age groups
E.Ek Par Ek FREE
23 useless things in a man's body
20 nails cannot be hammered
2 balls u cannot throw
1 cock cannot crow
Don't laugh gals ur pussy cannot catch mouse
| Cocktail |
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes u cum! |
| Triplets or Twins |
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins! |
| satisfy a woman |
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN; caress, excite, cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper, console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
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| Life is like a dick |
Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! |
| Rainbow |
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! |
| Love & War |
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! |
| Little Girl |
When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace & charm,I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! |
| Virginity |
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever! |
| Question Time |
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin?
A)a mouth full of cock! |
| The Truth |
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!! |
| Pringles |
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, you can't stop!! |
| Marriage |
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits! |
| Getting Old |
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo |
| Baby Please |
Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth are clean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection! |
| Pair of tights? |
HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2 calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish! |
| Sex+drugs |
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high! |
| Men like toilets |
Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)dey consume large amounts of liquid
5)r constantlt full of shit! |
| Mary's bush |
Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!! |
| Horny |
Roses are red, voilets are corny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! |
| 5 bad things |
5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains ur car!
2)but still work,right?
3)r u cold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! |
| Hickory, dickory, dock |
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin me cock,da clock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block |
| Mary had a little lamb |
Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard! |
| Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater |
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, Fucked her arse & went 2 bed! |
| Being a student |
Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex! |
| Down on her Knees |
Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a fuckin good job! |
| Cat and the Sausage |
A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy! |
| Oral sex |
Oral sex can b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den u cum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again! |
| Mary's bike |
Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up her cunt |
| NewsFlash |
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !
|
| Nutella |
I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella. |
| U and the Pope |
do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :) |
| Old Days |
in days of old wen knights were bold + condoms wernt invented they tied socks around their cocks + people like u were prevented. |
| Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol |
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..
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| Kiss Me |
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated! |
| How many letters |
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him! |
| My Roof? |
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof?? |
| Foot and Mouth |
mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right now cos its got foot and mouth |
| Blondes |
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop |
| Operator |
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you |
| Blonde Womens legs |
what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met! |
| This Way Up |
Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H |
| I love you |
This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
i
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys! |
| Mary's Lambs |
Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black and crispy. |
| Sheep |
Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot. |
| Butter |
Your teeth are so yellow, i can't believe it's not butter!!! |
| Condom factory |
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. |
| Yo Mama |
Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her. |
| Mary Stinks |
Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark as charcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole! |
| Mary's Duck |
mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck |
| Tampons |
whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck up cunts! |
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