FREE SMS COLLECTIONS

 

BLONDE JOKES SMS COLLECTIONS

 

Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre?
A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."

Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.

Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house?
A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV"

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".

Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What is the best secretary in the world to have?
A: The one that never misses a period.

Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!".

Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.    

Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them    

Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.        

Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up

Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"       

Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills       

Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking      

Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain                

Q : Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A : It took her months to figure out she could use it at night              

Q : Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"                 
A : What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring                    

Q : Why can't blondes be pharmacists? 
A : Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter                       

Q : What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? 
A : OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!                   

Q : What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
A : No mind. No business                        

Q : Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
A : Because below 18 was not allowed                  

Q : Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
A : Instant Intelligence!                      

Q : Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A : Because they can spell it

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier.........

Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.

Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy'

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: They know how many men went down on The Titanic.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Duke only 'had' Ten Thousand men.

Q: How does a horny guy spell relief?
A: B-L-O-N-D-E.

Q: Why was the Blonde Girl smiling as she walked down the marriage eisle?
A: Cos she knew she'd given her last Blow job.

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common?
A: Both contain a cockpit

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Great Tits!!!"

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a blow-up Doll?
A: Around 2 cans of hair spray.

Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.

Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks?
A: Cos she's been laid all over the country.

Q: What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer?
A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet.

Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blondes?
A: Cos both are steamy and wet on entry, and hey, they don't mind if you bring friends.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.

Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Q: Why is a blonde like a shotgun?
A: Give her a cock and she'll be ready to blow.

Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: What does a blonde look like after sex?
A: No idea mate. I'm already long gone....

Q: What's a blondes favorite Nursery Rhyme?
A: HumpMe DumpMe.

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Cuz everyone gets a turn.

Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She loved to get filled with Cream.

Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a Coppers Horse?
A: So she won't shit on the street during a rally.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian?
A: Well, she kept having affairs with men.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: When visiting Scotland, what is a Blonde's favorite destination?
A: Silicon Glen

Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.

Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

45. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?

Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt?
A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: What's the blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: Pubic hair.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their Mommies told em never to speak to strangers.

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!

Q: What do a 250cc Scooter and a blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one

Q: What's the difference between a blonde on her back and a turtle on it's back?
A: Absolutely Nothing - both are totally screwed!

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
A: Come.

Q: What do you call a brunette and 4 sexy blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 4 condoms

Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common?
A: Simply scratch the box to win.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
A: Well, not everybody's went to town in a limo!

Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times.

Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
A: As if they've ever met!

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: What do blonde's do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.

Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: What's the link between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: Both get screwed on the front of a Ford Fiesta.

Q: What nickname is most used by blonde's in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.

Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.

Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your refridgerator?
A: There's lipstick on your cucumbers/courgette/zuchini.

Q: What's a 68 to a blonde?
A: It's where she goes down on you and you owe her one.

Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A: Clitty litter.

Q: Why is it that Blonde's always get confused in the Ladies rest room?
A: Well, it's cost they gotta pull their own pants down...

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls would show.

Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q of 100?
A: A foursome.

Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: Vaseline and Poligrip.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.

Q: What is a bellybutton for?
A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet fuck all.

Q: Why did the blonde give a b*** job after sex?
A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found that she was embezzling.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What is the smartest thing that can come out of a blonde's mouth?
A: Einstein's d**k.

Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blow job with handlebars.

Q: What did the blonde say during a xxx flick?
A: "Hey fellas, Look! There I am!"

Q: How does a blond prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.98.

Q: What does XXX stand for?
A: Blondes co-signing a note.

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set.

Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.

Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
A: Silicone chips.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney?
A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home.

Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: What does a blonde Owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: What did the Dumb Blonde do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17's) rating?
A: Went home and got 16 friends.

Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde writes Mysteries?
A: She's got a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: Threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: Keep breakin em' with hammers.

Q: What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: What's the guaranteed method to totally confuse a Blonde Man?
A: Ask him to alphabetise a King-size bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.

Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out.  

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her.

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello"

Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats...

Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.

Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
A: Under "Home Improvements."

Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center?
A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board.

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Mercedes?
A: You don't lend the Merc out to your friend.

Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Well...Like, I dunno!

Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and the Yeti?
A: Yeti has been spotted.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q : Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Q : Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q : Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q : Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q : What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q : To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q : What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q : Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q : What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q : Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q : What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q : Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q :  How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q : Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q : A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q : A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q : What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q : Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q : What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q : What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q : Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q : Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.

Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A: Because they can understand them 

Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. 

Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills 

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: She thought a quarterback was a refund.

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: She tripped on the cordless phone

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless   

Q : Did you hear about the blonde

A: When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved

Q : Why can't blondes be pharmacists? 
A: Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter

Q : What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? 
A: OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!! 

Q : What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?

A: No mind. No business

Q : Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed 

Q : Why did the blonde dye her hair red?

A: Instant Intelligence!   

Q : Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it

Q : Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q : Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q : Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q : Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q : How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q : Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q : Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q : What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q : What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q : What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q : Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q : Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q : What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q : How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q : What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q : What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q : What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q : Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q : What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q : What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q : What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q : What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.

Q : How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
:A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q : Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

Q : What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who's been telling one too many blonde jokes.

Q : Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe.
 

She was so blonde that...

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She managed to trip over my cordless phone.

On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.

When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.

She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"

She got stabbed in a Shoot out.

She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.

When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.

She tried to drown a fish.

If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.

It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.

They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: "Grape or Cherry?"

She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats.

She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

She tried to drown a fish.

 

NEWSFLASH:

Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

 She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.        

She thought a quarterback was a refund.       

She tripped on the cordless phone    

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind  

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept      

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo     

If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless           

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved

It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.

Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'...

It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.

To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.

Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home

It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down...

It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a bitch will screw anyone but you...

It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful...

Go Top

alt alt alt

 

"Er. Rameshwar Prasad invites you to Read Status, Quotes and SMS. Our Contact Address is VAASTU INTERNATIOAL, 49 C, Pocket- B, S.F.S. Flats, Mayur Vihar, Phase- 3, New Delhi-110096, India. Our Contact Nos. are +91-11-22615299 (Landline), +91-9810105218 (Mobile). You can e-mail us on following mail IDs vaastuinternational@gmail.com or vaastuinternational@yahoo.com"